Probably the worst blog you'll read today...



Quote of the weekend   posted at: 5/12/2008 9:54:55 AM

This past weekend was Holly's graduation. Too much great stuff to really put into a single post. However, I can't let a little quote from my 4 1/2 year old niece, Alyssa, go untold.

When asked what her phone number is, Alyssa will tell you "911". When you follow that up with "And when do you call 911", she'll tell you "When both your parents are dead. Not one. Both"

HA. And that's just the tip of the Alyssa-quote-machine iceberg.

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A Twitterin'   posted at: 5/8/2008 8:31:41 AM

If I had to list the 3 most commonly asked questions I get on this blog, they'd be:
  1. What am I wearing right now
  2. Would I ever consider hair extensions (NO)
  3. What am I doing RIGHT NOW
Thanks to Twitter, YOU too can know my every move. And by every move, i mean the moves I care to share with you.

Anyways, I've been avoiding the twitter bandwagon for a long time. Seriously, who cares to know what I'm doing in 150 characters or less? I guess we'll find out.


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Macys vs Nordstroms: The Ambient Music Wars   posted at: 5/6/2008 8:53:02 AM

I've always enjoyed walking into Nordstroms. Maybe it's how well dressed the sales people are. Or that they don't nag you like other department stores. But I really think it's their bow-tie wearing, Chopin playing pianist they always seem to have. Very soothing. Melodic. Makes me wanna buy something. Then I realize I can't afford anything there so I head straight to Macys.

Which brings me to this past weekend. Holly and I were at the Macy's at Perimeter when I hear the low, somber moans of a bagpipe. Strolling right through the jewelry department. Yes, a bagpipe. Where Nordstrom's has gone the route of the classy piano, Macy's seeks to emulate a funeral. Except this was no funeral music they were playing. No. Holly looks at me and says "I think that's the theme to Star Wars". A bagpiper. At Macys. Playing the theme to Star Wars. Can it get any more awesome? I suspect next weekend I'll find someone playing the theme to "Welcome Back Kotter" on a French Horn at Dillard's.

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Need a huge favor people   posted at: 4/30/2008 9:47:05 PM

Yeah, time for a favor. I've been providing Grade 'A' blog content (well ok, maybe my GPA is closer to a 'C-') for years now. And now I need you to repay the favor.

I need you to call the Atlanta NPR station and make a huge donation like right NOW. I don't know how much they have left to raise but I have faith that the readership of vicdamone can help do it. ("All we need is 45 new pledges totaling $100,000 in the next 6 minutes to reach our goal! I think we can do it". I love the irrepressible attitude in the face of insurmountable odds.) I. just. can't. handle. the. freakin. pledge. drive. anymore. Please, I'm desperate. I need news. Stories you shouldn't be listening to (an hour on menopause? uh hell yeah). And raging condescension towards corporate news outlets. I need it back please.

I think HP sums the pledge drive up nicely:

I have no idea what's going on in the world, but I know that a 120 dollar donation to NPR will get me a travel mug


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Attention everyone!   posted at: 4/28/2008 2:37:08 PM

HP just took her last ever law school final. Yes, that's right. There shall be much rejoicing in Chamblee tonight! That and excessive damage being done to my liver.

Woooohoooo. Congrats HP!

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Random Thoughts...   posted at: 4/26/2008 1:03:16 AM

I don't know why I'm mentioning this, but it just makes me laugh. Holly and I were eating dinner the other night with friends when she flatly said:
I hate birds.
Just straight up. No "ha ha". No "[jokey jokey]seriously, who likes birds anyways![end jokey jokey]". Just "I hate birds". Who hates bird! My dogs hate birds but that's because they wanna try and catch em and eat em. They don't know any better. But HP? She should like em. I mean, who doesn't like doves?

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uh, creepy   posted at: 4/21/2008 9:20:58 PM

Holly and I were just at the CVS down the street from our house loading up on some meds (turns out I'm mildly allergic to good ol marv. booo). Holly was trying to tell the lady behind the card that we already had a CVS card but didn't have it on us. So the girl asks us what our phone number is. Holly tells her. Just behind us this dude says "that's not a hard phone number to forget". Now this is creepy on more levels than I care to enumerate. But I'll try:
  1. Our phone number isn't even remotely memorable. It contains neither Jenny's phone number (for those Tommy Tutone fans out there), nor parts of other memorable numbers. It's an utterly boring phone number. As boring as 10 digit numbers can be that is.
  2. The guy seriously looked like a villain from The 'A' Team. He was probably in his 50's, hair that looked like it came out of a bad Lee Majors look-a-like contest, and just enough of a beard to make George Michael weep. Add to that the glazed over eyes of a crystal meth addict and you have a seriously, seriously creepy moment. I'm pretty sure he was still carrying his prison shank from his time at Dekalb County Jail
  3. He said it not in the kinda jokey ha-ha tone that people you don't know say things in when they're behind you in non chitty-chatty moments. He said it in a "I-ain't-memorized-sumthin-that-long-since-i-dropped-outta-8th-grade" kinda tone. He was half stunned at himself
Thankfully HP and I have our two killer attack dogs Herb and Marv to defend us. Our house is a fortress w/ this level of protection!


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What are sisters for?   posted at: 4/11/2008 11:28:36 PM

I've spent the better part of 30 years trying to figure out what older sisters are for. Givin me a hard time. Pickin on me. Drivin me nuts. Well after all this thinkin, I think I've finally figured it out.

Gettin' me autographs.

I'm not a collector of much. Magnets? Definitely. Dogs? Apparently. Autographs of Constitutional lynchmen? HELL YES. That's right. My sister was at a convention recently where John Ashcroft was giving a speech or working a booth or something (obviously redefining the very meaning of 'booth babe'). So what's my sister do? Approach one of the men I despise the most and get his autograph for me. WOOOOHOOO. How awesome is this! Finally, something new to put up in the house!



Amy, you're my favorite!

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Wi-cki or Wee-ki   posted at: 4/11/2008 2:59:52 PM

I hate it when someone corrects my pronunciation or my grammar. Only two ladies are allowed to do that: my mom and my wife. Anyone else. No dice. I'm an adult. Well read. Educated. And as prone to malapropisms as George W. Bush. (nice word huh? suck it wordsmiths).

Anyways, I was recently telling someone that we've started using a Wiki (like wikipedia.org) at work to keep tabs on documentation, how-to guides, and random pictures I choose to upload (me. bikeshorts. gymnastics. use your imagination). So this person says to me "did you just pronounce it 'wee-ki'". I say yes. They say "oh no, it's pronounced wi-cki". I decided not to get into it w/ this person. But let's get clear on a few things.

1) See first paragraph above
2) Wiki isn't a REAL WORD. GOSH. So is really necessary to correct my pronunciation?

I really do hate nerds.

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Law School Prom   posted at: 4/6/2008 4:29:53 PM

Last night HP and I attended her final "law school prom" (officially known as the Barrister's Ball. lawyers are such nerds). Imagine senior prom except now the booze consumption isn't illicit. There was a DJ playing a lot of rap that white people love ("baby got back", anything by Rob Bass, etc). All we needed to complete the picture was a limo, a corsage, and awkward sexual encounters in the bathroom (mom -- I promise i have no first hand knowledge of that last part). 'Twas a real good time.




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Nothing really to blog about   posted at: 4/3/2008 5:00:26 AM

It's been over a week since I last blogged. Why the drought? I dunno. I guess no one has really pissed me off lately -- except people who wear those "crocs" shoes in public. Sorry but those things belong in your garden.

Marv is assimilating well -- except he and Herb broke into their food stash while Holly and I were at the store the other day. I've personified these two in my mind thusly: Herb is the 'idea' guy. Too shrimpy to really execute anything on his own. And Marv just does whatever his big brother tells him to do. Together they're a formidable mix of mayhem and mischief (i'm good at alliteration before 6am it seems).

Work is going well -- except I'm here at 4:30 am every Thursday. My fanciful ideas of getting out of here at 1 to go play golf are usually dashed by someone scheduling me into a 2 hour meeting at 3pm. Ahhhh yeah, I smell a 13 hour day in my future.

My music purchases are largely going well -- Except the new REM CD is a little bi-polar. Early reviews said it harked back to the IRS years stuff I love. But what I'm listening to is half retro, half "Monster" album. And those two don't really go well together. But the jury is still out.

Anyways, if those are the only things I have to complain about, well, things I guess are good.

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The Muehleman Family is a Growin'   posted at: 3/23/2008 6:34:55 PM

Nope, we're not having a kid. What makes you think we can take care of a kid? HA! Have you seen how I dress myself? Lots of unironed shirts and the occasional pair of bike shorts. And what I feed myself? Beer and sushi. So no children (yet).

But dogs. We can do dogs! We've adopted ourselves a little rescue puppy. He's a terrier of some sort. Real sweet and happy. A little wiry. And completely willing to wrestle with Herb for hours on end. We've named him Marv. "Herb" and "Marv" are the kind of dudes you'd expect to find in a dart league near your house drinking Milwaukee's Best. My boys are gonna be runnin' the neighborhood rackets in no time!




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Second Annual Vicdamone March Madness Pool   posted at: 3/19/2008 12:14:04 PM

Do it!

Bracket: http://vdatl.mayhem.sportsline.com/brackets

Group password: vdatl

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They say it's your birthday...   posted at: 3/18/2008 8:41:07 AM

It's my birthday too!

I'm really on the verge of killing that line. Really. But I can't help it. The scene in 16 Candles where Anthony Michael Hall and Molly Ringwald are at the school dance and she reveals it's her birthday. Just classic. It's actually quite similar to HP and me: hot redhead and the nerd. Except she ends up with the hot, popular dude at the end of the movie. Ok, so maybe it's not exactly like us.

Anyways, today is my wife's birthday. Happy Birthday HP!

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Bear Stearns and Facebook   posted at: 3/17/2008 10:55:46 PM

Does anyone else find it concerning that Bear Stearns, an 80 year old Wall Street Investment Bank and Institution was bought for just under $240 million this past weekend, while just a few months ago Microsoft invested $240 million to acquire a 1.16% stake in Facebook, a company a few years old that lets kids create and manage their own online profile for FREE.

$240 million for an entire wall street bank. Or $240 million for 1.16% of Facebook.

I'm no financial prognosticator, but I'm guessing 2008 is gonna be a rough year.

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Shuffle Friday Anyone?   posted at: 3/14/2008 4:25:44 PM

Time for another shuffle friday. Shuffle friday is an opportunity to share with the world what you're listening to today. It's also an opportunity for me to add content to my blog w/out really thinking about it. Either way, but your favorite MP3 player on shuffle and tell us the first five songs that come out. I'm reaaaaally hoping some of my impressive Bette Midler bootleg collection comes out today!

King of Carrot Flowers part 1 (In the Aeroplane over the Sea) -- Neutral Milk Hotel YES. Instant street cred. Magnet magazine listed this as the best alternative album of the 90's. I'm not sure i'm willing to go that far just yet (that designation obviously belongs to Marcy's Playground -- "I like sex and candy". Duh). But this is a really cool CD. And this song, the opener of the album, is especially cool

When the War Came (The Crane Wife) -- The Decemberists Want some hyper-literate prog rock? Then the decemberists are for you!! I don't even know what that means honestly. I just read it in every freakin article about the band. Ok, next

Joy to the world -- Sufjan Stevens That's right, christmas music suckas! This 5 album set by one of my favorite musicians is pretty much a most own. Literally, you must own it. So if you don't, go order right now.

Spare-Ohs (Armchair Apocrypha) -- Andrew Bird This guy likes weird instruments. Weird effects on instruments. And just plain weird effects. He's gotten a lot of critical acclaim but I'm not quite there yet with him. Good stuff, but not great.

Fireplace (Document) -- REM This member of the REM canon just does not get enough love. Everyone always talks about "It's the end of the world as we know it..." from this CD but I really think songs like this and Finest Worksong really carry the CD. Speaking of REM, their new album comes out April 1st. And the reviews I've read said it's more like their IRS years stuff than recent efforts. Exciting stuff...

Ok, hit me with your shuffle five!

p.s. if you want line breaks between paragraphs in the comments section, type in <br>. That's a line break and will separate paragraphs.

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Ok, the Democrats are starting to piss me off now   posted at: 3/11/2008 1:03:23 PM

Yes. It's true. It's possible that someone other than George W. Bush and the Evening Edge can piss me off. Now it's the democrats. This constant talk about what to do about Florida and Michigan and counting their delegates. That's what's got me riled up this time. I can understand not wanting to disenfranchise the voters. Really, I can. But the national party made it very clear what would happen if the states moved their primaries ahead of Super Tuesday.

Your shit ain't gonna count.

I paraphrase of course but Howard Dean has a sugar mouth so he probably didn't sound too different than that when telling Florida and Michigan to get in line. But they didn't. They moved their primaries up. Now the national democratic party is saying "you, uh, like broke the rules. and we, like, told you not to. so your shit ain't gonna count" (apparently the democratic party is one part gutter mouth, one part valley girl in my mind). So everyone's up in arms now. What to do! What to do! Did anyone else see this coming?

I honestly don't know how to fix this. But it's basic issues like this that separates us from the Republican party. Lack of party discipline, an unwillingness to stick to a core message, and a total inability to cater to rich, white people who will give us a lot of money. At least we've learned from them the voter disenfranchisement trick! Works like a charm. Except we missed the part where you're supposed to turn away the other party's voters. Apparently we still have much to learn from our republican friends.

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I hate you Evening Edge   posted at: 3/6/2008 5:30:54 PM

I'm not one to complain much about the cost of living in a free market. My mailbox being jammed with sales ads is fine. Whatever. The occasional sales call. Ok, I can live with that. But the AJC has finally found the ultimate way to piss me off. Throwing their freakin sales ads on my driveway. Yes, that's right, this new concept is called "Evening Edge" and its apparently the brainchild of some super a-hole marketer who delights in riddling the front of my house with a multitude of special offers!, unbeatable bargains!, amazing coupons!, and crafty recipes! Someone please tell me how this is not littering?

So how is this any different than a cold call or a stuffed mailbox. I'll tell you how.

I have to bend over (literally and figuratively. cue the drumroll) to pick this thing up.

When it rains it gets soggy.

That's it. My back. And soggy newspapers. That's all it takes to piss me off.

So here's what we're going to do. We're going to take the collective might of the vicdamone readership and complain to this Evening Edge crap. Go to this page and complain on my behalf (or if you get it and aren't happy, your behalf too). Do it. Treehuggers the world over will love you. And most importantly, I will love you.

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Why my mom rules   posted at: 2/28/2008 1:02:55 PM

So my mom is coming into town for a little visit this weekend. While she's here, she's going to help paint a few of our rooms (she and my sister are painting ninjas). This is her demand list:

2 rollers
one package of roller refills (kind for smooth walls)
roller pans
plastic liners for roller pans at least 4
cheap plastic drop cloths
1 Sutter Home White Zinfandel

I love it. Classic!

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Herb strikes again   posted at: 2/26/2008 10:00:10 PM

In case anyone was wondering, my dog is pretty much a huge asshole. This is what happens when I'm on a conference call and HP is asleep.



That's the look he always has on his face when he's into mischief. As if to say "What? Is this a problem?" The best part is that when's done terrorizing a pillow or ripping up a sheet of paper or chewing on one of my shoes, he just lays down in his mess all proud like. I'm pretty sure he gets it from HP

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Oscar Pool Results   posted at: 2/25/2008 12:17:40 AM

Alright, results of the 3rd annual Oscar Pool are in! And we have a two time winner. Sorry mom, it's not you. Better luck next year.

Congrats Mrs. R! Either you're a genius Oscar prognosticator or your talents extend beyond the legal realm and into the hacking-into-my-computer-to-change-your-answers-to-match-the-results. I'm just sayin. It's possible.

Other notable results include my dad and sister tying for last place (HA!! that's what you get for making fun of my tooth problem) and Timmy-boy for coming in 3rd (his usual interests are shootin' stuff and collecting paintings of UGA VI).

number correct in ()
11 Mrs. R
9 TJ
9 Natalie S
8 Timmy-Boy
8 HP
8 Atticus
8 Amanda C
7 Pammy
7 Mom
6 Ryan
6 Teresa B
6 TallGirl
6 Otis
6 Kelly J
5 Angie
4 pop
4 Jess
4 Anne
4 Amy

Thanks all for playing!

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I should go see a...what?!?   posted at: 2/22/2008 9:54:15 AM

I was at the dentist yesterday getting a tooth pulled. I genuinely fear the dentist so I'm constantly trying out new ones (when you break teeth as often as I do, you're at the dentist A LOT). So I was giving a new dentist a whirl yesterday. She's s sweet Asian woman here in Chamblee. All-in-all, I like her. The only problem we had was that her English wasn't so great. For example:

(I'm not even going to try and feign an asian accent in the conversation below. just use your imagination)
Dentist: Ok Mr. TJ, you have long roots. Long roots!!

Me: (I'm high on nitrous and my pulse rate is at 120 beats per minute. I'm pretty sure i'm on the verge of a stroke) ok?

Dentist: When I pull this tooth, it might punch a whole in your sinus cavity. Long roots!!

Me: Long roots?

Dentist: Yes. Long roots!! 99% of the time, it heals on its own. But if it doesn't heal within a few weeks, you may have to go see an OB/GYN to get it fixed

Me: (The fact that I was just referred to an OB/GYN for a possible sinus problem is completely lost on me at this point. I'm dreaming of unicorns and wondering if my blood pressure can get any higher) Ok, I totally understand. OB/GYN. Got it

Dentist: Long roots Mr. TJ! Long Roots!!

So all this being said, anyone know a good OB/GYN?

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Free Tuition   posted at: 2/21/2008 9:26:37 AM

This is totally freakin amazing. Stanford announced today that it's waiving tuition for students who's family makes less than $100k a year, and tuition + room and board for those families making less than $60k a year. The hard part, getting in, is still in place, but this is a really huge leap forward.

I look forward to some Bush 'winger telling me incredibly unfair this is.

Stanford drops tuition for some students

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Oscar Pool 2008   posted at: 2/19/2008 10:52:58 PM

Time for the 3rd annual VicDamone.net Oscar Pool. Click the link below to submit your picks for this year's Oscars. Like every year, the person with the most correct answers gets some totally awesome prize. Past winners include my mom (in year 2) and Mrs. R last year. Both can attest to the life changing effects that winning this pool can bring. Wealth, power, fame, coffee-mugs-with-semi-nude-pictures-of-me-on-it (only for Mrs. R. Not for my mom. I was fully clothed in the coffee mug she got. that would've been really weird). All at your grasp when you demonstrate your mastery of the Oscar Pool.

So click the link below. And no lame ass excuses like "I haven't seen any of the movies" or "I'm so busy" or "But it burns when I pee". I don't care. Take the quiz. You never know what might happen.

Oscar Pool 2008

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It's true   posted at: 2/13/2008 6:51:57 AM

I smell good today. Real good. New dryer sheets doing the trick.

And did anyone else know that Dolph Lundgren was a Fulbright Scholar and supposedly has a 160 IQ? That's blowing my mind just a little right now.

(it's not important why I'm telling you all that I a) smell good and b) am IMDB'ing Dolph Lundgren. I got up at 4am this morning. not much is making sense to me right now)

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