VicDamone.net

5/31/2009 1:18:35 PM

Yes, it was THAT good.

5/26/2009 5:05:32 PM

I've been a mega slacker lately so i haven't had a chance (or the will) to put in a little anti-spamming code on the comments section. I promise to get to that soon! Til then, ignore the crap.

Thanks!

Management

Blah Blah (6)

5/20/2009 8:11:37 PM

Just two brief things to ponder:

1) Does electing The Terminator still seem like a grand idea now that they have a ~$22 billion budget shortfall? I honestly have no idea what Arnold's culpability is in this case, but it wreaks of the worst idea in the history of electoral politics

2) Can we get REAL for a second about the congress getting ready to pass climate control legislation that also has a bit in it about allowing people to now carry firearms in national parks? On what planet does that make sense? It seemed ridiculous when legislation was passed a few years ago in Georgia that allows someone to carry guns on mass transit, but at least in that case there was a sliver of a reason for it (you know, the stinky homeless dude sitting next to you needs to be shot. whatever). But in national parks? Jurassic park ok, but not Yellowstone.

Ok, that is all.

Blah Blah (232)

5/10/2009 8:15:22 AM

[pausing our usual sarcastic, caustic, and vulgar broadcast so I can tell sweet and funny stories about my mom]It's true. My mom pretty much rules. If you've never met her, here are some fast facts about my mama:

• Mother to 4 kids, 3 step-kids, and like 7 grand kids (ok, I really don't know. I'm just guessing. Law of averages says I'm in the ballpark though)
• Prized seamstress. She used to make my jams when I was in 5th grade. They made me cool as hell. She also made my sister's prom dresses. Alas, the effect was not the same for Amy
• Champion scrabble player. Even though every time we play I hear this jive talk about "oh, i never went to college like you", I still get thoroughly whipped more then half the time
• Graphic Artist. Yeah, that's right. My ma can whip up some websites and splice some photos with the ease of an Apple developer
• Little league baseball coach. Ok, I'll just be honest here. I'm not so sure my ma was the best baseball coach in the world. I don't think she knew how many players were supposed to be on the team or what a shortstop was, but she knew how to delegate such 'details' to her assistant coaches (one of them being my older brother who made us practice with his softball equipment. ever see a 9 year old try and throw an adult sized softball?). But when no one else was available to coach, my mom was there.
• Expert nurse. She's suffered through me and my brothers' litany of sports related injuries, driving good ol Dave down to the medical center once a week, and there's no telling what kind of travails my old man put her through back in the 70's (just kidding pop ;). Granted, there was that time when mom told me to ride my bike home from the park after I broke my foot. Don't worry mom, the permanent limp isnt so bad anymore!!

5/9/2009 6:25:37 AM

Walking my dogs is like trying to heard two mildly retarded sheep. Herb is obstinate, grouchy, and refuses to listen to any voice that's not in his own head. He'll stop and just sit if I try and go in a direction he doesn't like. Granted he's only 11 pounds so I could just drag his skinny ass anywhere I wanted. So that's something to consider.

Marv on the other hand will generally go in the direction I want him to. However, he applies all 25 pounds of his mass in a bolt like action that warps space time and also warps my shoulder, elbow, and wrist joints. Every bird, squirrel, vermin, or child is his archenemy. He tries to climb trees, scale fences, and traverse wide expanses of varying difficulty just to tell you he will mess. you. up.

So I'm walking these two nutcases this morning and it's the usual shenanigans. Herb takes 20 minutes to find the perfect spot to use the john. Marv's trying to take on an entire gang of birds. But this AM was unusually bad. So by the end of the walk, we're up the stairs out of the park towards the house. Marv gets interested in something and stops. I give a tug and he won't budge. I have to go down there and pry him away from some particularly tasty grass to get him to continue. At the top of the steps, he stops again. By this time we're full on in our neighborhood and figuring that since it's 6:45 on a saturday, no one will be up and about in the barrio, right? So I start talking to the dogs like their old friends of mine getting on my nerves:

"Marv, I'M IN CHARGE OF THIS WALK" and "Really dude, because I got like a golf game in an hour and you're just not being cool man!!" and such things. This is me thinking I can guilt my 2 year old terrier into cooperating.

The whole time one of our neighbors, a fellow dog owner, is standing in her drive way waiting for a friend to pick her up. She was, of course, watching the entire transaction and had a wry smile on her face as if to say "so YOU'RE in charge are you?"

Yes. Yes I AM in charge!

Blah Blah (4768)

5/1/2009 8:52:10 AM

I was at the UPS store shipping off some books to my younger brother this morning. The UPS guy comes back with a waiver form where I have to initial like 18 things. It's only a $16 package and paperback books at that -- why the waiver? He tells me "The first initial is you telling us you're waiving the insurance, the next one is you telling us it's cool if we lose your shit, and the third one is you telling us there's no illicit material inside the books"

The first two checkboxes I was all like "yeah yeah yeah, lawyers and their waivers"

The third checkbox I took a stepback. I said "the content of the books?! what, you people think I'm sending subversive material to Texas or something? [what I wanted to say was 'this Fahrenheit 451 booolshit went out when Bush was evicted a few months back!' But judging by the dude's nascar cap and the "i-love-neal-boortz-and-crap-out-liberals-for-fun" look on his face, I decided to bench my smarmy literary references]" Just as I start to get sorta pissed that UPS wants to know the content of the books I'm sending, the dude says

"Uh, no man. I mean did you carve out the insides of the book and put a bomb in it or something. we, like, don't give a crap what's written in the books"

"oh. uh, yeah I totally knew that man! it's cool! thanks"

I'm pretty much an idiot.

Blah Blah (486)

4/23/2009 10:34:08 PM

Receipts. That's right, I don't need 'em. Unless I'm buying a car, a washing machine, or a living organism, a receipt is just another piece of wasted paper I'm gonna throw away. Do I need a recorded transaction establishing I bought a pack of gum at the gas station? No. Should there be a history of my late night ice cream purchases at the local convenience store? False. My car is RIDDLED with receipts of this nature. Gum, ice cream, bananas, jock straps, you name it. And what do I do with them? Form an intricate graph of my purchase history? Not likely. And does anyone? I doubt it.

So let's do away with receipts unless the purchase is of the nature mentioned above. Right?!!

Blah Blah (6)

4/22/2009 7:28:18 AM

Apparently Dollar Tree is the "Graduation Headquarters". This time a year ago, HP convinced me that Ross & Simons was the graduation headquarters. I will suffer her lies no more!!

Blah Blah (1)

4/16/2009 9:07:26 PM

I played some golf in West Cobb today. While strolling the parking lot, I could see across the way a big oversized pickup truck with some elaborate detailing on the one side. From across the lot, I could tell it was a picture of something. My progression as I walked closer went something like:

1) Oh, big ass truck with a....bomb painted on the side of it?

2) Wait, there's something riding the bomb...

3) Nice, it's a woman in a bikini

4) Oh holy crap, that's f'ing SARAH PALIN. And the lettering on the bomb makes it look like, uh, well, you know.

That's right. Sarah Palin super imposed onto a bikini clad woman on a bomb selling I don't know what. Only in West Cobb.

I couldn't miss an opportunity to get a pic:

4/10/2009 6:49:21 AM

A sampling of the completely awesome music on my iPhone.

Pick shuffle and send us the first five that come back. Or just pick any five you like. It's not like I'm watching (unless it's you dad)

Paperweight -- Josh Radin and some broad The gods of soft emo sounding weiners laughs in my general direction by putting a song from The Last Kiss on my shuffle friday. Every. Time.

Pulpo -- Calexico From their latest album, these guys are Americana badasses. If you aren't listening to Calexico, you're dead to me. DEAD! Ok maybe not.

Starman -- Life Aquatic Soundtrack Another soundtrack? Is that all I own? But hey, this is a cool one. A guy doing David Bowie covers. In Portuguese.

Nutty -- Thelonius Monk and John Coltrane This should solidify my hipster street cred. Well that and my collection of amazing cardigans.

Sovay -- Andrew Bird This dude is sort of amazing. Or, as a recent Rob Corddry's Twitter* update puts it, "If you're looking for some good music to slowly dry hump to I would put on Andrew Bird's Noble Beast

That's it. So who's gonna share?

*confession: the official term here is 'tweet'. But I object to the term.

Blah Blah (4116)

4/9/2009 9:55:25 PM

Have I piqued your interest yet?

Baseball statistician turned last year's election guru Nate Silver has taken the recent news in favor of gay marriage (in Iowa and Vermont respectively) and formulated a model predicting when certain states will vote against a gay marriage ban. The results:

2009 (now)
Vermont
New Hampshire
Massachusetts
Maine
Rhode Island
Connecticut
Nevada*
Washington
Alaska*
New York
Oregon*

2010
California*
Hawaii
Montana*
New Jersey
Colorado*

2011
Wyoming
Delaware
Idaho*
Arizona*

2012
Wisconsin*
Pennsylvania
Maryland
Illinois

2013
Michigan*
Minnesota
Iowa
Ohio*
Utah*
Florida*

2014
New Mexico
North Dakota*
Nebraska*
South Dakota*

2015
Indiana
Virginia*
West Virginia
Kansas*

2016
Missouri*

2018
Texas*

2019
North Carolina
Louisiana*
Georgia*

2020
Kentucky*

2021
South Carolina*
Oklahoma*

2022
Tennessee*
Arkansas*

2023
Alabama*

2024
Mississippi*

God oh God West Virginia BEFORE Georgia?! That's not ok.

Blah Blah (4559)

4/7/2009 7:53:45 PM

I'm thinking of replacing my blog with my twitter feed. Comments would be enabled still of course. As well as the occasional picture upload or longer form outburst.

Discuss.

Blah Blah (11)

3/28/2009 11:04:33 PM

We took a trip with some friends up to Asheville for holly and meg's 30th birthdays (and a few assorted other Pisces. but let's get real; it was the meg and hp show). One thing about Asheville that I'd always heard but never dealt with first hand is that everyone that lives up there is stoned. I discounted this theory as mere fable. "HA" I would say. Granted, I'd only spent a weekend there and that was about 6 years ago. But still. I KNOW the town.

Now don't get me wrong. Our stay was positively awesome. Meg secured us on a 'brews cruise' a 4 1/2 hour tour of 3 of Asheville's finest breweries. I won't get into how much freakin fun THAT was, but suffice to say, I danced in the bus the entire ride back to our hotel (as the pics below will attest).

Now on to the residents of Asheville. Lovely people. Sweet, well meaning people. But stoned people, yes. My two favorite encounters w/ residents included (but not limited to):

1) Girl who can't count back change. No story necessary except to say the girl owed me ~$23.55 and it took her 4 minutes to figure out what change to give me. For real

2) Girl who didn't know her right from left. I asked for directions and she says "ohhhh, yeahhhh. i know exaaaactly where that is. cool. ok so you're gonna take a.....left?...out of here. no wait, a.....right...oh yeah, exactly, a right. then from there, you'll go a little bit, take a [insert image of grown woman holding up her hands with index finger and thumb extended in the way a 6 year old does to help them remember right from left] LEFT, sorry, I get my right and left confused. hahahaha". I'm not kidding. The directions went on for a few minutes like this. I mentally checked out about 90 seconds from the end, resigning myself to figuring this city out on my own.

And that was Asheville. Good times. Great Times! Below are some of the pics from the weekend.

We were at a brewery called "French Broad". Ha. That's awesome.


At dinner after the tour. Maybe I take pictures off the walls at fine dining establishments. Big deal.


Meg and I at the first stop. I'm still wearing pants at this juncture


I promised Jessica she'd end up on my website. She's a star now


Natalie, Jason, and I

3/18/2009 8:11:44 AM

I'm not thanking the Wii Fit for making me awesome at yoga or a boxing machine. I'd like to thank it for harassing the crap out of me about HP's birthday today.

1 week ago, I woke up, logged into the Wii fit ready to get my yoga master on. It gave me the usual salutations: 'hello TJ. where were you yesterday TJ? you know you should work out every day TJ'. You know, that jive. But then it said 'tj, don't forget holly's birthday is 7 days. have you bought her a gift yet?' Wha WHAT? Dude, I now live in the future. Not only does my television know when my wife's birthday is, it wants to recommend gift ideas!

Over the next week, the Wii reminded me 2 or 3 more times that Holly's birthday was coming up. Thank you Wii. I think I got it.

So without further ado...

Happy Birthday HP!

Blah Blah (4)

3/13/2009 2:38:28 PM

Several years ago when I first moved into my house, I was in need of something all homeowners at some point or another realize they need (not a bailout or a masseuse): a drill. Now there are many things I know a lot about: bailouts and masseuses among them. But tools, not so much. So I bought the least expensive but functional drill that home depot sells. A black & decker. This drill has served me well over the years. Hanging pictures, drilling holes for projects, etc. On several occasions, it's even served me well at work when I've needed to put something up.

What I did not know when I bought this tool is the reputation black and decker has in the manly man community. On BOTH occasions that I've brought my drill into work, at two separate companies separated by 3 or 4 years, I've had multiple people ridicule my choice in hardware. "Dude, your drill on training wheels is cute" and "hey man, you beat up a 6th grader to get your hands on that" and of course "what were you wearing at 10pm last night?".

Before you ask who would've asked that last one, I'll tell you! My current boss is one of the ridiculers (that's not a word, but whatever). He's always givin me grief for this thing. But you know who most commonly asks to borrow said wondrous drill? My boss. Exactly.

So he asked to borrow it today to put together a desk for a new dude starting in a few weeks (we're the only company on planet earth hiring. go figure).

Leaning on my paparazzi training, I was able to capture this photo. Proof that my drill has contributed to the wealth and growth of the company I work for:

3/11/2009 9:05:35 PM

My endorsement for the GSU Law Presidential Race back in '07 / '08 has returned to the blogging realm. Something about his 3rd year of law school and the bar exam got in the way of his previous blog. Read it and you'll grow a little hair on your chest or become a better person. Unfortunately, the two are mutually exclusive.

www.adayunlikeanyother.typepad.com/

Blah Blah (2)

3/10/2009 6:26:14 AM

I was recently in the Borders book store picking up Watchmen (enjoyed the movie by the way. but I hate writing reviews so this is all you people get on the subject). I was strolling through the center aisle when I walked by a ~40 year old man with his 7 or 8 year old daughter. The age-perception-algorithm running in my head is never quite working so the kid could've been 3 or 13 so I'm not really sure. In any case, the kid runs up to one of those end caps and says:

"Daddy!! You and mom rented this movie, remember!! What does this word mean!" pointing at the DVD.

"Yeah, uh, that says Nights in Rodanthe" the dad says just a bit sheepishly b/c I suspect he knows I'm in earshot.

Now some of you might be like "oh, what's the big deal? it wasn't porno. or some Michael Moore flick". I'll tell you what the big deal is. In the world of manly men (of which I am clearly a member, my regular attendance on couch most monday evenings to watch the Bachelor notwithstanding), watching any movie that has the following equation is something you do not acknowledge outside the most trusted of circles:

Richard Gere + Diane Lane + Midlife Crisis + a word that no one has ever heard or seen before = A cinematic abomination

It's true. Granted, I haven't seen the movie. And I suspect it may make me cry just a little ("ohmygod, Richard Gere just GETS me to the core"). But to all the children out there reading this blog, heed this advice: never, ever out your dad like that. He will never forgive you.

Blah Blah (7)

3/5/2009 9:51:04 PM

I had business to attend to this evening at the mall. I will not discuss what business it was (no, not trolling for chicks. i go to the skating rink to do that), but suffice to say, it has to do w/ the upcoming birthday of someone I sorta hang out with occasionally. My trip to the mall was uneventful (except for the voodoo cash register at one establishment that apparently sent something wacky enough to Bank of America when my debit card was run that I immediately received a "Some weird shit's goin on w/ your debit card, bro" email from BOA. This weird transaction totally nullified my debit card the rest of the evening. Sweet. Amex loves it when crap like that happens. Maybe they're in cahoots? I digress).

While at the mall, I was sent to some fancy chick store to get some fancy chick shampoo (note: never say to the wife "hey, headed to the mall to do-none-of-your-damn-business. Need anything?"). As a general rule, shopping at chick stores or baby stores pretty much sucks. It's sorta like shopping at a wal-mart on Mars. You don't know where anything is, you wonder if you look stupid kinda wandering around, and everything is in a foreign language. Scalp massaging shampoo? What the hell is that?

So I wander into this joint and somehow magically find what I'm looking for in under 3 minutes.

'Tis a miracle. I will be out in just another minute!

But it does not end here. This is where the fancy store hijinks begin. I step up to check out. One bottle of shampoo. My credit card (debit card since zapped by the possessed cash register at Store X). And a strong desire to get the hell out of the store serving hot lavender tea to everyone who walks in.

But it couldn't be that simple.

"Sir, would you like anything else"
"No thanks"

"How about some hot lavender tea"
"Uh, no thank you"

"Would you like to try some hand lotion?"
"Really, my hands are self-moisturizing" (I didn't say that. But it would be cool if I had)

"How about getting on our mailing list"
"No thank you. Just the shampoo"

"Have you shopped with us before?"
"Not really. I wash my hair with lava soap" (another embellishment)

"Can I have your phone number please?"
"No. For shampoo? For real? No"

"Ok sir. It'll just take 3 minutes to run your card" and furiously type into my computer the same amount of information the TSA collects if you were flying to Islamabad with your best pal Osama (seriously, you seen those check-in workers at the airport? they laugh in the general direction of a mouse)

At long last, probably 10 minutes of waiting at the check-out counter, she's done. But then, the coup d'grace. Instead of just handing me my bag, she walks all the way around the counter to hand me the purchase. As if to say "Sir Thomas, I present to the this bottle of shampoo". Did I just buy a car?

Blah Blah (328)

3/1/2009 9:40:24 PM

The snow has reduced me to playing along w/ Facebook games. That and the fact that I thought this one was sorta cool. It got my creative energies in a whirl.

1 - Go to "wikipedia." Hit “random”
or click http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random
The first random wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.

2 - Go to "Random quotations"
or click http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3
The last four or five words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album.

3 - Go to flickr and click on “explore the last seven days”
or click http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days
Third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

4 - Use Photoshop (or similar) to put it all together.

And BOOM, this is my album:

2/26/2009 8:05:13 AM

Being home these last few days has shed a little light on what the daily schedule for Herb and Marv looks like:

• 7:15am - 8:30am: Breakfast followed shortly by an hour long series of sprints around our bedroom while I'm trying to sleep. Really Herb, your little Ewok moans and groans while you wrestle with Marv aren't bothering me at all.
• 8:30am - 10:00am: Early morning nap
• 10:01am - 10:05am: Half hearted attempt at hide and seek. Herb tires easily. Marv has the attention span of a 3 year old ADHD kid on uppers.
• 10:05am - 12:00pm: Mid-to-late morning nap
• 12:00pm - 12:30pm: Required play time w/ the old man. Herb wants me to play chase with him. Marv wants me to let him outside so he can sun for a bit (how do you think he keeps up that impeccable coat of his?)
• 12:31pm - 2:00pm: Afternoon nap. Playtime was exhausting
• 2:01pm - 2:03pm: "Marv, wanna, like play or something?" "Uh, no. You see me sleeping, right?" On occasion, I'll see Herb carry a toy over to Marv. Because apparently Herb thinks Marv will throw the tennis ball down the hall for him
• 4:00pm - 4:30pm: Marv wakes up. Wanders around the house for 30 minutes not looking for anything in particular. Probably seeking an escape route. Herb continues to sleep. After all, an 11 pound dog only has so much energy
• 4:31pm - 6:30pm: Late afternoon nap. Gotta prepare for the evening walk, right?

2/26/2009 6:48:46 AM

According to house minority leader John Boehner, the era of big government is back.

Now I'm not terribly interested in dredging up the past at this point, but I have a newsflash for Rep. Boehner. While the Republicans were in control:

1. We've spent somewhere in the neighborhood of $600 Billion on the war (and that's just Iraq)
2. The Medicare Prescription drug bill back in 2003 cost $400 Billion
3. The size of the government grew by 27%
4. Discretionary spending grew at the fastest rate in 30 years under Bush

2/23/2009 5:10:30 AM

I fell asleep last night watching the Oscars. Something about the musical numbers combined with the way they were handing out the acting awards sedated me earlier than normal ("behold! we 5 past winners invite you to join our exclusive and elite club". it felt like they were trying to sell me a country club membership). Anyhow, sleeping w/ the Oscars on in the background must have triggered my id in a new and artistic way. I dreamt about:

1. Writing a book about the fictional feud between the founders of The Spelling Bee and The National Science Fair and their contest to see who could nab a wider nationally televised audience. My lead character would be named Ed Crandall, the head of the science fair. I don't know the name of the lead character representing the spelling bee but I do recall dreaming the first adjective I'd use to describe him / her: nebbish. I recall thinking I'd name the book "The War" but then thought better of it after realizing most would confuse my book with one about the Iraq war or something.
2. I want to create a blog called "Things that I know". Each entry would be accompanied by a drawing rendered in MS Paint (and probably looking a bit like it came from the hand of a drunk 4th grader) representing the thing that I knew. This leads me to the last thing I dreamt about...
3. I created a drawing, in Microsoft Paint of course, entitled "Abstract #14". In this piece of "art", there's a man at the drive through of a Dairy Queen that used to be by my house (it has since closed. i think it's now "Lost Tacos de los Rayos" -- Tacos of the Kings). He's saying "I'd like a cheeseburger. With spinach?"
   
   Seriously. The drawing was all stick figures and crude pop-up balloons over his head. The dairy queen structure, however, was elegantly drawn. Apparently my 20 year long love affair with the Peanut Buster Parfait has left a lasting imprint on my id.

2/14/2009 6:24:50 PM

For Valentine's Day, am I:

1) Treating HP to the finest evening a lady could ever ask for, including, but not limited to a dinner for two at a top notch restaurant and a carriage ride through Piedmont Park.

2) Drinking heavily while I sit at my dining room table attempting to get a continuous integration server off the ground at work (if you're not aroused by whatever THIS means, you're not human)

3) Watching Marv and Herb actually sitting next to each other w/out Marv trying to nibble Herb's ear off or Herb trying to chew Marv's cheek off

If you answered 2 and 3, bingo! Holly and I somehow manage to enjoy the most unromantic Valentine's Days every year. Partly because we've been together since the dawn of time and at this point in our relationship every day is like Valentine's Day and St. Patrick's day rolled into one (I bring the party AND the romance people) and partly because HP got a deposition dropped on her at 5pm Friday for this Monday morning. So we're rockin it old school tonight.

p.s. How many of you clicked the link above and now hate me? HAHAHA, part of my master plan to turn you all into programmers.

Blah Blah (9)

2/11/2009 10:52:24 PM

It's true. About 16 minutes ago, arch angels let out a stirring cry heralding the return of vicdamone.net from it's 1 month sabbatical. It's true that we can also attribute the passing of the stimulus package to this great event and the departure of that burning sensation when I pee (or the penicillin finally kicked in. whatever). Great things have come. YES!

Ok seriously, many apologies for the long delay in getting the site back up. I'd formerly hosted this site on a forgotten server at my last last job. I haven't worked at Spacenet in almost 3 years and I'm pretty sure one of the dudes there didn't realize the most heavily trafficked site named for a 'b' grade rat-packer from the 50's was running on a box he started unpluggin stuff from. Since, you know, it was free hosting, I didn't really have the nerve to be like "look bro, my website's on there so why don't you, like, plug that server back in". Nooo, so I started moving this site to a new hosting arrangement I have.

But then work got in the way. My inability to figure out what bootleg domain registrar I used back in 2001 when I bought this domain got in the way (note for future reference: it's some half baked website my old co-worker built. Right now someone in Bangalore is using my credit card he stole from this site to buy cougars or hyundais). And our new Wii got in the way (i'm a yoga master according to wii fit bitches). And my general lack of interest in even touching a computer once I left work got in the way. So between watching new episodes of Fringe (that show is f'ing badASS), gettin' all thin and stuff on wii fit, and helping build a Social Media Empire at work, I just didn't feel like messing w/ this site.

At long last, during commercials while watching Lost tonight, I finished it. And here we are. New server. Probably hosted off some island in the Indian Ocean. But I don't care. I'm back. I'M BACK!!

Blah Blah (328)

1/13/2009 7:32:15 AM

This is Zombo.com. The only limit is yourself.

I visited this site recently. It's clearly a gag site but the combination of the visual effects and the guys trance like voice lulled me into a kind of zombie state. I woke up 15 hours later in Tijuana with no pants on. It was awesome. Check it out.

Blah Blah (147)